Kaiu Setsu wrote: ↑Tue Apr 19, 2022 3:35 am
“Effing monks… and Kenku.” He scoffs and smirks thinking about her joke.
A moment and he raises a finger, “Alright. There was a Lion, a Crane, a Crab and a Ronin samurai in the train going south of Kaiu Kabe back in Rokugan. In the middle of the trip, the Lion samurai takes a big onigiri from his pocket, bites it and then throws the rice cake out of the window. The Crane samurai, willing to take a bite for himself asked the Lion: Why did you throw it away after just one bite?”
Setsu takes a bite out of another yakitori and plays it out as the Lion would reply with food in his mouth, “The Lion answered: Hah! We are full of rice back in my land. I don’t really need to spare that.”
He narrows his eyes and assumes a different facial expression, saying, “Frustrated with such a waste, but specially with the Lion’s arrogance, the Crane samurai takes a big piece of tuna from his bag, takes a bite and then throws the rest out of the window.”
Retuning with another facial expression he continues, “The Ronin, indeed wanting to bite at good sashimi asks, politely: Why did Crane-sama throw the fish away — was it rotten?”
Withal posh expression in his face, he plays the Crane, explaining, “The nerve. Why, of course, we are full of fish back in my land. I don’t really need to spare that.”
Setsu quickly moves his arms to gesture the movement and says, “Suddenly, the Crab samurai slaps the Lion in the face, then the Crane and throws both out of the window.”
That got a genuine laugh out of Hato. It was a quite the clever restructuring of an older joke with the audience in mind. Probably not a joke to tell around Lion or Crane, but a good one for Crab and ronin. Hato considered, and reponded.
"Long ago, back when the Empire was still but one planet, a Crab lord conducted Winter Court at his estate near the Spine of the World mountains. His court was beset however, by four very quarlesome guests: a Shosuro, a Doji, an Isawa, and an Ikoma. Every day the four would bicker and argue over which clan's samurai were superior.
Finally, the Crab lord had enough 'You all claim that your clan produces the superior samurai?" he asked the four before the open court.
They all nodded.
"Then I put this challenge to you. You have no doubt noticed the tall mountain near my estate. Atop that mountain are boulders the size of oxen. If you would prove that your clan produces the superior samurai, fetch me a rock from atop the mountain and bring it to this estate by tomorrow.'
The four paled a bit. Their honor would not let them refuse such a challenge, it would be to admit that their words had no weight. And so they all agreed, although the Ikoma asked for access to the lord's library, which he was granted.
The Crab lord slept well that night, untroubled by bickering samurai, confident that on the morrow they would all be properly shamed and more respectful guests through the court.
Upon arising the next day and departing his chambers, the Lord encountered an alarming sight The Shosuro, breathing heavily, was propped up against a boulder the size of an ox, and the boulder was covered with blood and broken weapons were sticking out of it.
"How did you retrieve the boulder, Shosuro-san?" he asked, unsure of how the Scorpion had accomplished the task.
"The Emperor may ask the Scorpion clan to accomplish any task, but the Emperor does not ask the Scorpion how they accomplish their task." the Shosuro gasped.
Shaking his head, the Crab lord went out into the garden, where he saw a truly baffling sight. The Doji was sitting in the garden opposite of a boulder the size of an ox with a tea set between them.
"How did YOU fetch the boulder, Doji-san?" the Crab lord remarked baffled at how such a slight and slim courtier could accomplish such a task.
"Oh, well I wrote a letter to the boulder, Crab-sama, which started off a long series of correspondence discussing how well our parents got along, and how fortuitous it would be were the boulder to join me for tea this morning, and it rolled itself here." she explained sweetly.
Shaking his head as if still dreaming, the Crab lord went to the temple. There he witnessed the Isawa stagger out of the temple, and collapsed to his knees. Shortly there was a whistling sound which was then followed by a large explosion as a boulder the size of an ox violently embedded itself in the temple steps.
"How...did you fetch the boulder, Isawa-san?" the Crab asked, surveying the damage.
"I have been praying to the earth kami all night long, and this morning they answers my prayers as the mountain kami threw the boulder here." the Isawa whispered.
Somewhat awed by this display of elemental affinity, The Crab lord made his way to the library. There he was the Ikoma.....and no boulder.
"Ah, Ikoma-san, I see you have no boulder." The Crab lord said with a smile. It seemed at least one member of the winter court would be humbled from their bickering and arguing.
"That is true, my lord." the Ikoma agreed holding out a scroll. "However, if you are evaluating which clan has the superior samurai, I thought it might interest you to know who it was who put those boulders on top of the mountain in the first place."
Hato did her best to add relish to the joke by doing the voices for it, a gruff Crab lord, a secretive Shosuro, a genle doji, an arrogant Isawa, and a know it all Ikoma.